Saturday, April 3, 2010

I have decided to share...

I've been thinking about writing this post for sometime now, but just wasn't sure what to say or how to say it. However, today I feel is the day. A few months ago I started taking Prozac. At first, I was a little embarrassed, but after taking it and the effects that I am feeling, no longer am I embarrassed, but rather completely blessed.
Here is how this all started. During my time in counseling classes I started learning a lot about anxiety and medication and the idea that we need to erase the stigma associated with taking psychotropic medication. While in my Marriage and Family class I realized that depression was something that some of my family dealt with. Then I took a class about different disorders that are linked together such as depression and anxiety. Then I took a class this past fall that focused on assessments and treatment planning. In this particular class we had to assess ourselves and write a treatment plan for ourselves. Needless to say I started to put a lot of stuff together. I realized that it wasn't normal that I didn't sleep through the night most nights and that I was tired most of the time. I realized that for years I cried too much and too easily. I realized that I was too high strung and maybe a little impatient at times. I realized that I was living with anxiety and no longer needed to.
So I went to a counselor, met with her, she gave me medication, and my life has changed. God truly used that to heal me. At first, there was no change, but about 2 weeks into taking the medication, I could see a difference. First, I was sleeping and making it through the day without feeling like I needed a nap. I was sleeping and not waking up worrying that I had forgotten to lock the door, set the alarm, money (I worried about money a lot), and even cleaning. I was able to rest. A few weeks later I found myself just hanging out at the house not feeling like I had to do something. I didn't have to do the dishes, I didn't have to do the clothes, I didn't have to clean anything or cook anything. I could just relax. I don't worry about money as much. Don't worry, I still don't want to spend a lot of money, but the other week when we had to buy a vacuum I didn't have a breakdown b/c of it. I was able to spend the $50 because we had to and knew it was ok.
Right now, I realize that we have about 12 people coming over tomorrow for lunch, there are about 3 loads of laundry that could be done, and the floors could be cleaned, but hey that can wait until tomorrow. Today I am spending the day with my husband, doing nothing more than watching tv and movies, doing a puzzle, and resting. I don't feel anxious or overwhelmed. Apparently, according to Matt, I used the word overwhelmed pretty much everyday and now I only use frustrated about once or twice a week....huuuuuugggggeeee accomplishment!!
My mind is clearer these days. I can sit through class, soak in all the info, and not feel like I need to do 50 other things. Don't get me wrong, I still like a clean house, I still like making my lists, and I still really love organization, but I also enjoy resting these days. I can rest and know that all that stuff will still be there when I am done resting. Someone once told me that resting is not a reward for something we have done, but rather resting is to prepare us for what is coming next. We work and then we rest so we can work again. Sometimes we should reward ourselves with rest, but know that the rest will also prepare us for what we are to do next. (that's my mini sermon for now).
Matt also helps a lot these days. Maybe it is b/c now everything isn't done before he can get to doing things. I used to clean every morning and now I don't. I have no reason, I just don't. Matt does the dishes, cleans the bathroom, does a load of laundry, and so much more. He is such a great husband. Oh and he cooks!!!! Matt has been so supportive and so great at supporting me and celebrating with me even when it comes to little things (like not doing anything today besides hanging out!)
I only had to go a few times to the counselor. She said that she probably thinks it is really just a chemical imbalance and I just needed something to straighten that out. So I went my third time this past week and will not need to go again for 6 months unless I need to talk or there is some kind of problem.
I just wanted to share this in case there is someone else out there that needed to hear this. We take Tylenol when we have a headache, cough drops when we have a cough, why not take anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds when we are anxious. It isn't a sign of being weak, but rather strong. Jesus heals in so many ways, He just chose to heal me through medication! Praise Jesus!


Big Jen said...

Thanks for sharing Sbeth!

Camille said...

Love this Sbeth! I totally get it after needing to go on Lexapro after having Levi. It made a huge difference in my life-as Aaron would be the first to tell you! Love you my friend!